It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
