Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
