What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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