We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
