FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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