can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
