dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
