also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
