My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
