Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You took a bar mat shot.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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