just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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