I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Boobs speak an international language.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize
