I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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