well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
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How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
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I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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