i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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