U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
