My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
