I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
