Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
