you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
