Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
