the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
