I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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