did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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