dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
