So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
