I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
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I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
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Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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