Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
