I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
