Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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