I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
