if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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