so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
jump out the window naked night went bad
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
