Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
