So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I think your dad took our porno
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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