The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
