holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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