dude i'm inner monologue high
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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