Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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