so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
