im about as happy as oj after his trial
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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