You're so nebulous sometimes
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
