I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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