Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
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he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
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She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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