this beer tastes like vomit already
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
