somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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