I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
