He passed out mid-signature
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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