I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize