I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
