im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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