how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize