Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.