dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I look better un-naked...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.