i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
