We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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