we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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