Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
