How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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