It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She needs sedatives and a leash
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
