if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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