at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize