May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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