When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
