it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
